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December 17th, 2006

12:44 am
i hate this pain
i hate how familar it is

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November 27th, 2006

08:34 pm
so i almost forgot livejournal existed, sorry :)
so all i ahve to say is um well i am hot as hell and yep i dont care if i sound vain
and i love everyone


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September 9th, 2006

10:50 pm
something is missing

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September 4th, 2006

04:16 am - how is this all ever going to work out
i guess the exciting part is not knowing

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August 10th, 2006

12:33 pm
i think i may have really missed out this time, i remembered how to trust and all of a sudden it is getting harder and harder to offer it all up again.
i just wish i knew i wasnt making a mistake, i wish it was easier to remember that everything is going to work out.

was it the idea this time or was it actually the person. it was different but now i am letting myself fall back onto the same road as before. the only thing is i am putting myself on that road, he didnt put me there. ek, i dont even make sense to myself right now.

i just hope i didnt screw up...
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

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July 28th, 2006

12:18 pm - alright, this is the only thing that has made me think even a little differently about iraq...
I got this from a friend... and it really puts so much in perspective...

Don't Close Your Blinds

The other day, my nine year old son wanted to know why we were at war ..My husband looked at our son and then looked at me. My husband and I were in
the Army during the Gulf War and we would be honored to serve and defend
our Country again today. I knew that my husband would give him a good
explanation. My husband thought for a few minutes and then told my son to
go stand in our front living room window.

He said "Son, stand there and tell me what you see?"

"I see trees and cars and our neighbor's houses." he replied.

"OK, now I want you to pretend that our house and our yard is the United
States of America and you are President Bush."

Our son giggled and said "OK."

"Now son, I want you to look out the window and pretend that every house
yard on this block is a different country" my husband said.

"OK Dad, I'm pretending."

"Now I want you to stand there and look out the window and pretend you see
Saddam come out of his house with his wife, he has her by the hair and is hitting her. You see her bleeding and crying. He hits her in the face, he throws her on the ground, then he starts to kick her to death . Their children run out and are afraid to stop him, they are screaming and crying,
they are watching this but do nothing because they are kids and they are afraid of their father. You see all of this, son....what do you do?"


" What do you do son?"

"I'd call the police, Dad."

"OK. Pretend that the police are the United Nations. They take your call.
They listen to what you know and saw but they refuse to help. What do you do then son?"

"Dad.......... but the police are supposed to help!" My son starts to

"They don't want to son, because they say that it is not their place or
place to get involved and that you should stay out of it," my husband says.

"But Dad...he killed her!!" my son exclaims.

"I know he did...but the police tell you to stay out of it. Now I want you to look out that window and pretend you see our neighbor who you're
pretending is Saddam turn around and do the same thing to his children."

"Daddy...he kills them?"

"Yes son, he does. What do you do?"

"Well, if the police don't want to help, I will go and ask my next door neighbor to help me stop him." our son says.

"Son, our next door neighbor sees what is happening and refuses to get involved as well. He refuses to open the door and help you stop him," my husband says.

"But Dad, I NEED help!!! I can't stop him by myself!!"

"WHAT DO YOU DO SON?" Our son starts to cry.

"OK, no one wants to help you, the man across the street saw you ask for help and saw that no one would help you stop him. He stands taller and puffs out his chest. Guess what he does next son?"

"What Daddy?"

"He walks across the street to the old ladies house and breaks down her
door and drags her out, steals all her stuff and sets her house on fire and then...he kills her. He turns around and sees you standing in the window
and laughs at you. WHAT DO YOU DO?"


"WHAT DO YOU DO?" Our son is crying and he looks down and he whispers, "I'd
close the blinds, Daddy."

My husband looks at our son with tears in his eyes and asks him. "Why?"

"Because Daddy.....the police are supposed to help people who need
them..and they won't help.... You always say that neighbors are supposed to
HELP neighbors, but they won't help either...they won't help me stop
him...I'm afraid....I can't do it by myself Daddy.....I can't look out my window and just watch him do all these terrible things and...and.....do nothing...so....I'm just going to close the blinds.... so I can't see what he's doing........and I'm going to pretend that it is not happening."

I start to cry. My husband looks at our nine year old son standing in the window, looking pitiful and ashamed at his answers to my husband's questions and he says...


"Yes, Daddy."

"Open the blinds because that man.... he's at your front door.. "WHAT DO YOU DO?"

My son looks at his father, anger and defiance in his eyes. He balls up his tiny fists and looks his father square in the eyes, without hesitation he says: " I DEFEND MY FAMILY DAD!! I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM HURT MOMMY OR MY SISTER, DAD!!! I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM, DAD, I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM!!!!!"

I see a tear roll down my husband's cheek and he grabs our son to his chest and hugs him tight, and says... " It's too late to fight him, he's too strong and he's already at YOUR front door son....you should have stopped him BEFORE he killed his wife, and his children and the old lady across the way. You have to do what's right, even if you have to do it alone, before
its too late." my husband whispers. THAT scenario I just gave you is WHY we
are at war with Iraq. When good men stand by and let evil happen son, THAT is the greatest atrocity in the world. "YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID TO DO WHATIS RIGHT EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!"


This should be printed in every newspaper and posted in every school in America. Of course that won't happen so we'll use the internet. If your blinds are closed do nothing with this. If they are open no one needs to tell you what to do

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July 16th, 2006

01:22 pm - soooooo
sooo i dont think people here like me very much...hmmm umm oh well, these three weeks better go really fast
Current Mood: lonelylonely

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July 15th, 2006

01:51 pm
has anyone else ever gotten to the point where sex just seems like a perversion of something better and are just simply grossed out by thinking of it? i'm seriously asking, please reply

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July 13th, 2006

10:57 pm - sick of...
being excluded
being fat
lack of motivation
sleepless nights
wasted time
being broke
old flings
not taking action
my own stupidity
missing her
all of it

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July 5th, 2006

01:07 pm - round 2
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You kno you just keep me hanging round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are yous till standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright
Yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
Cause nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
You can get it over with and let me move on
Don't concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as your gone


You're not making up your mind
It's killin' me
You're wasting time
I need so much more then that


Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go


Leave the pieces when you go

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